Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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