I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
