Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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