I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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