Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pants are for mortals
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
