I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
