i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize