This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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