I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
