we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
