I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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