if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
