tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
