To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
