I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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