Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
