I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
