Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone signed my nipple.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
