Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
