ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
