Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
