Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
