Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
