He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
