I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
