I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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