I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
