Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
