I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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