the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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