yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
