Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
