Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
