It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
