Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
