I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
