Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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