I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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