Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
