i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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