hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
