So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't think brook has ever known best
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
