who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
