then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize