My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to stick my p in your. b.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize