Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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