and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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