the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
