I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
