I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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