Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
