Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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