Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
