Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
