We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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