Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please come you make the beer taste better
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
