is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you had me at cake vodka
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
