Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
