not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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