omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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