just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
