Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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