last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
