Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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