Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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